Musing on a Monday {Gratitude}

Last week, following an intense yoga session stuffed full of strong warriors, inversions and even an attempt at a headstand, my lovely yoga teacher had us sit in a circle, post savasana and pre om, for some time to contemplate.
And the focus was gratitude.

In turn we each stated one thing we were grateful for - just one thing.
Following that evening's class I started to think a little more about gratitude and discovered it is a word, a feeling, an emotion even, that has increased in my life. The more I pondered the more I started to put this change in focus down to both my yoga and my age as, since turning 40, I feel my thoughts, outlooks and feelings have shifted quite dramatically.
I have been known to be quite a frustrated person, and can still be. There are times I want more; a bigger house, more money, a proper holiday. But there are times, increasingly, I stop and think about the world we currently live in; an ever changing world, not always for the better. A world full of war and conflict, refugees and homelessness, a visible increase in downright racist and xenophobic views in the media, online and on the streets that we walk everyday, feelings of bitterness and resentment towards other human beings, a rising element of fear. All in all a bit of a scary world into which my children are growing and forming their own opinions. I have never felt so concerned in my role as a parent, as a mother, to raise my children with good intentions; to be caring towards others, to not judge, to love and to be grateful. I therefore need to stop with my negativity and openly demonstrate my gratitude.
I need to stop with my negativity about the size of my house - I need to show gratitude to the fact that I have a home that keeps us safe and keeps us warm.
I need to stop with my negativity about money in general - we have an income that pays the mortgage, feeds us, clothes us, runs two cars and takes us on little breaks to Cornwall.
I need to stop with the negativity.
Full stop.
I need to show gratitude on a daily basis be it a quiet thought, a spoken word out loud, a discussion with my children.
We need to show gratitude.
Everyday.
Today I am grateful for having two strong legs that carried me round the neighbouring villages on a 5 mile run past sweeping fields and glorious views.

I paused to take in everything around me.
I paused to show gratitude.
Because...

x x x

Happy Autumn {Musing on a Monday}

So last month the big four zero came and went and life carried on as normal. I didn't wake up with any obvious additions to the grey roots or extra lines on my face - that I noticed. In fact I woke up happy with no hangover from the night before and with a renewed energy ready to take on Autumn and the rest of the year. Indeed I was happy at 40.

The last few weeks has seen a resurgence for my love of running; Summer saw the number of days with me heading out of the door with my runners on becoming fewer and fewer but the crisp sunny Autumn mornings of late have spurred me on to head out and power up the running legs. I am currently running just for me, with no races signed up for I feel I don't have any pressure. Now I could look at that scenario either way; I continue to run just for me relaxed in the knowledge there is no mileage to reach every week, no pace to up, no race to run OR I can see it as I have no goal - and sometimes I need that goal. In the run up to my 40th I set myself some goals with my 40 things before 40 - not all were reached but the setting of them made me get up and do more.
This morning's post, although eliminating quite a big future running goal, has in fact inspired me to continue to get back on with my running. This magazine came through the letter box and I opened it with mixed emotions...

Some runners had already turned to social media with the enjoyment of receiving a 'Yes' and sadness, and relief, at receiving, like me, a 'No'. Sadly, some were angry at not being chosen to run - although when over 250,000 runners apply for 50,000 places the odds are against you. The anger made me sad; the London Marathon is ultimately just another marathon - yes it's one of the World's biggest but there are plenty of other unjust things in this world that the effort of such anger could be channelled towards. I try not to get angry, as much, anymore. I try to see the bigger picture, take a step back, take a deep breath. That's not to say anger is not part of my emotions anymore - it is, but one that needs to be contained.
Whilst running today I had time to think of what this month, and Autumn, has to come; importantly I need to apply for my girl's Secondary School place - time to get my head out of the sand on that one. This has been an emotional time trying to decide which school to put first on the application form whilst making my girl realise, however much she asks, I am not in a position to home-school her. My own emotions have gone a bit haywire on this too - my baby girl is almost at Secondary School and those apron strings will be loosened just a little bit more. She loves her current role of big sister walking the boy out of school down the road to the nearby bus stop to meet me - I'm not quite ready to let them walk the whole way home yet mainly due to the sheer volume, and speed, that vehicles drive down the main road. I still find it strange that I was walking home by myself from Year 1 onwards but the roads were quieter - although I'm sure there were still other risks just as high as they are today. But that day will soon come when they leave the house without me and return without me.
Next month sees me taking on the student role; I'm going to be learning something new with a couple of weekend courses coming up that will hopefully take me on a new exciting road in my life spreading some calmness and relaxation and calmness on the way. Before then I will have a bit of reading to do.

x x x

Musing on a Monday {Pick & Mix}

Isn't pick & mix great? The way you can choose the sweets you really like and avoid those you don't? Wouldn't it be great if we could fill our paper bag of life with the best bits? If only it was that simple.

In an ideal world our bag of sweets would contain our favourite picks but occasionally a piece of confectionary may fall in we don't really like.

Musing on a Monday {Be brave}

This popped up on my Facebook timeline today...



 

...and it got me thinking.

Which is always dangerous.

 

As I went through each statement questions and thoughts appeared in my mind.

Don't settle... for second best? How many of us settle for what we have? Should we strive for the better options? Is the grass greener? OR...Should we work at what do we have? Be thankful for what we do have? Appreciate and love what we do have?

Is that settling?

Say how you feel... Gosh, this makes me smile to myself. Opening up my feelings is way better than bottling them up but am I always heard? Intent on being a different mother than my own I positively voice my feelings to my children; most commonly telling them I love them morning, noon and night. Negative feelings come out too and I let the tears fall in front of them; yes, Mummy gets sad. My girl, more often than not, is the first one to pick up on what I need and her arms wrapped around me is one of the best feelings in the world.

Find your passion... Such an emotive word. My family are my passion. My children are my passion. But, away from family, my passion that drives me has been recently found via the local pavements and a pair of Nikes. Running has become my personal drive and passion; a time to escape, challenge myself, clear my mind, be fulfilled.

Be true to yourself... Am I completely honest with myself about how I feel? Do I follow what I believe rather than what I am told to believe? The older I get the more I am becoming more comfortable with who I am and am less concerned about what others think.

Leave the job you hate... Hate is such a powerful word and such a powerful feeling. Imagine being in a job you truly hate. My job doesn't make me massively happy at the moment, although I do have good days. Doing what I do I simply can't be outwardly miserable - but it does build up inwardly. Elements of my job I do hate, elements of my job I love - but for now it can't be left.

Stand up for things that matter... Being quite an introverted type I've always stood back from voicing my opinions for fear of being shot down, or being wrong. But can an opinion be wrong? If it matters to me than surely it can be right? But how to stand up for things that matter? What can I say or do and to whom? A letter to my MP, a petition signed, a view put across at work. It's something, yes? 

Don't apologise for who you are... How many times do I apologise when putting my point across? How many times do I start my argument - "I'm sorry but..."? This is who I am and this is how I'm feeling and these are words I want to say. Stop apologising woman!

Love with every ounce of your bones... This I don't need to question.

 

Am I brave?

I think it can be worked on.

 

x x x



Running & Goals {Run Mummy Run - Virtual Races}

Some of you that follow my Project 365 posts and Instagram feed may know that I am back out there running again. And a running me is a happy me. There have been pictures of my trainers, my apps, my sweaty tops, my negative splits and most recently my very first piece of running bling - my awesome RMR Spin into Spring 5k Virtual Race medal from Run Mummy Run and Virtual Runner UK.
See, it actually spins!

Now, I know 5k isn't that far but it is a start - well another start! You may recall that I trained myself up for the amazing Team Honk Relay last year where I ran 5 miles but then had a niggly IT Band a week afterwards. Following some pricey physio and a few painful runs I sadly decided to let running take a backseat.

In the mean time I focussed on yoga and trying to strengthen and correct my, quite frankly pretty shoddy, core and posture.

Fast forward to March this year when the girl asked me to go for a run with her and the buzz has returned. I researched some running stretches and have been extra careful to stretch, stretch and stretch some more before and after running - I particularly focus on stretches for the IT band and my foam roller has been my odd friend!

Now, the problem I have with running, and a lot of things in life, is patience, focus and attitude. There are days I feel I simply cannot be arsed to step outside the front door and run. When this starts to happen I set myself a goal. My first goal was the 5k Virtual Race - these are fantastic to do. Head to VirtualRunnerUk and you will find a selection of runs throughout the year; simply pick your distance, do your run in the given time slot, send in proof and await your race medal. It's as simple as that!

There is a downside though.
It gets addictive.
I've already signed myself up for the RMR Sparkle 5k in June to get my hands on one of these beauties...

And so for my next goal. I am signing up for the Race for Life 10k in July. This gives me two months to train sensibly and double my current running distance.
I can do that yes?!

x x x

 

Disclaimer: Run Mummy Run and Virtual Runner UK have had no influence in this post. I have written it purely to show how they have inspired me as a beginner runner. Go check them out!

Embrace Happy {FOCUS}

I have recently jumped on board with the delightful Karin, and her mission, to Embrace Happy.
It's been just over a week since I started to look for the positives in each day through #3goodthings on Instagram.
This is working well but I also want to focus a little bit more on my own use of time to find happiness and fulfilment in myself.
I was inspired by a recent photo from Karin on Instagram.
I liked her starting point ideas but felt I needed to adapt them a little to suit me.
I took some time to just sit, be still, be quiet and think.

 

I wanted to hone in on just a few things that I could try to achieve through a week, things I could do and things I would want to do.

After some scribbling and crossings out I wrote up my FOCUS goal.

 

 

This is now washi taped to the fridge door as a reminder, not just to me but the rest of my little family, that I am doing this.

 

 

x x x



Embrace happy

Last Saturday at Blog on Cymru I sat and listened to the lovely voice of Karin from Embrace Happy.
Her soft American twang spoke words of happiness and positivity with the emphasis on trying to embrace this more in our lives.
Her words and anecdotes got me thinking.
A lot.

We all want to be happy but how often do we let the mundane things and monotony of everyday life smother that?
How often do we get mad at the small things that are not worth the energy to get mad about?
How often do we grumble over the little things out of our control?

Let's flip it on its head and ask...

How often do we stop and take stock of the positive things in our lives?
How often do we stop and think yes, that makes me happy?
How often do we tell anyone that they make us happy?!

As I type this I feel quite the hypocrite.
As I type this I imagine my husband reading and nodding his head in amusement at my questions because I am the worst.
I snap, I shout, I moan, I grumble - a lot of the time over the most ridiculous petty things.

I'm not saying that this will stop overnight, genetics and hormones have a lot to answer for, but I am going to try and find the flip side.
I am going to try and pause.
And think...

Can I find a positive in this?

I am going to try by joining in with Karin's #3goodthings on Instagram.
I am going to take stock at the end of the day, or during one of those quiet moments in the day, and look for the happiness.
And embrace it.

 

x x x

Happy me ~ introvert

One of my lovely friends, and her three children, has just left the house after endless cups of tea, lunch and a long needed catch up. We always have a good talk, a bit of a moan and try to put the world to rights. We sing from the same hymn sheet and agree on a lot. Friends like that are priceless.
This is my friend who I escape from the real world with; she is my gig partner, festival partner and weekends away to catch live music partner.
She is outwardly confident with a big circle of friends.

I, however, have a small circle of friends. In fact I would say a handful. I've always been like that. It takes me a while to forge a good friendship and I don't get close to too many people. I am happier in a small group, building up my confidence and building up my trust. That's where my comfort zone is.

The school run can sometimes feel a bit traumatic seeing throngs of mums happily chatting in huge groups - I want to break into those groups as maybe in there somewhere is someone I could really connect with. But that huge group to me is daunting. In these situations I may be seen as brusque but actually, get to know me and you'll find that I'm not.

Big social events don't appeal as all I see are walls of people; people I don't know, people I have to hold a coherent conversation with. I need to know that someone is there waiting for me, a seat has been saved, that I have a go-to person I feel comforatable with.

So, am I shy? Do I have a problem with confidence?

For one thing my job doesn't allow me to be shy. Put me in front of a room full of 4 year olds and parents and I am quietly confident.
And happy.

Through this blog, and other forms of social media, I have been fortunate to meet some lovely folk. I have on paper met 'strangers'. I have met up for coffee with some, shared gin cocktails with others and spent a weekend in London. I don't see these folk regularly but have made positive online connections with them. They have supported me in numerous ways when real life friends haven't been available. That connection seems to be the key. And the confidence to meet up with them has never been an issue.



Some people may see that as odd - why make friends with strangers? Why can't you find more real life friends?
Answer? See above.

After a big chunk of my adult life feeling like this I have finally given myself a label.

I do believe I am an introvert.
And I am happy with that.

Think you understand what an introvert is?
We're not necessarily the ones standing quietly in a corner fiddling with our phones avoiding eye contact.
Introversion, in fact, remains a frequently misunderstood personality trait.
This article here has been a real eye opener...

 

I match most, but not all, 23 points.

Most notably...

 

You don't feel high from your surroundings...

 

Well, put me in a field of complete strangers and drop The Killers on a stage and I'll definitely feel high from those surroundings.

 

But, if you see me sat at the end of a seat on a train don't try and make small talk with me.

I'm not being rude.

I'm just an introvert.

And I'm happy.

Happy me.

 

Does any of this sound familiar to you? What personality traits do you have?

 

x x x

Fulfilment

I'm not one for resolutions as they are far too easy to break.
Every January I ramp up the exercising and healthier eating as every December I get lazy and over indulge.
So January becomes a month of focus to balance that one out.
Still not a resolution though - I don't go on a diet and I don't have a weight loss goal.
Instead I have a word.

And my word is fulfilment.

I want to find fulfilment in 2015.

Fulfilment in my family.
Fulfilment from yoga.
Fulfilment from exploring.
Fulfilment from happy mail.
Fulfilment from walking.
Fulfilment from adventures.

It's all rather open ended but that's fine by me.

Do you have a word for the year or do you make resolutions?

x x x

Happy October!

Crisp sunny days, conker hauls and autumn leaves.
Spiced lattes, slow cooking and pumpkin soup.
I love this time of year.

x x x

Happy July!

A new month.
The sun shines on.
The holidays to look forward to.
And new shoes!

What's making you happy this July?

x x x

Happy June!

A new month.
A new positive me.
The sun is shining so no excuses.
Be healthier.
Be happier.
Be better.

x x x

Beach life

So, we had our first family break minus a tent last week. Which had its plus points - it is kind of nice to not have to put up or take down your holiday accommodation. Saying that I am still a camping girl and the tent will be coming out soon.

We decided to leave our base for a day and, with the picnic packed, headed out to explore the North Devon coastline of Exmoor and beyond. The winding roads, that went on far longer than the route app had predicted, coupled with the threat of car sickness from the backseat, tried to spoil the day but it was all worth it when we found a quiet coastal town, and further along the coast, vast sandy beaches.

All in all a perfect day which ignited my desires to own a campervan and dream the dream of living the beach life.
One day maybe.

I need to fall in love again...with my home!

We're two days in to a new year and I declared to make no resolutions, instead creating a Mood Board, but I do have the intention of getting back to work this year. Initially the reason for this was for me to reengage my brain and feel of value again but also it will give us an opportunity to move house. A while back my husband's position at work, and my state of mind, was thrown into turmoil and we thought we would be forced to move to the Midlands. A nice part of the Midlands it has to be said but we didn't want to move the children to somewhere where none of us knew anyone. A bit of me thought - fresh start, new house but the reality of no friends or support soon kicked in. At the time of writing things are still not 100% but it looks more than likely that the husband will go to that area two days a week so we can stay here in Wiltshire. Although not ideal it means the childen stay settled and I can start job hunting.

So back to me falling in love again - with my house, or more importantly my home. The idea of going back to work has got me on the moving house train of thought again.

"We could get a house with a fourth bedroom - a spare room / office space we will need for all my teaching paraphernalia and a space to plan"

"We could get a house with a driveway!"

"We could move to 'the village'!"

The first thought is the crucial one as for now this is my work area and there is NO space for all of my files and resources etc that are currently weighing down the floorboards in the loft:

A crammed area in the corner of the dining room/family area/kitchen space - cosy!

I did the sensible thing and thought about finances and went online on a scary mortgage calculator. The interesting bit is the How much can you borrow? element. I furiously started typing in figures. Just my husband's salary = we'd be lucky to buy the house we are in now. The fun started though when I typed in a full time teaching salary alongside my husband's - good grief, I cannot believe the banks are still willing to loan THAT amount of money! Wow, we could move to the village into a 4 bed house with a garage - how exciting would that be? But then I checked the monthly payments. That's where the excitement stopped - yes, we could move but most of my salary would cover the mortgage, just the mortgage - nothing else. If I had to stop work for whatever reason we would be stuffed. We live where we are currently with just my husband working and just about cover the rest of the outgoings every month. However, if I get back to work and stay put we could 'live' a bit more - actually have a proper holiday with the children in the summer beyond a few nights in the tent. We could run a second car again. Be happier with ourselves. Be grateful for the fact we can even afford a house however modest or compact. And my workspace? I have a solution - we have a long garden and I've thought about a little home office at the bottom!

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