Happy Autumn {Musing on a Monday}

So last month the big four zero came and went and life carried on as normal. I didn't wake up with any obvious additions to the grey roots or extra lines on my face - that I noticed. In fact I woke up happy with no hangover from the night before and with a renewed energy ready to take on Autumn and the rest of the year. Indeed I was happy at 40.

The last few weeks has seen a resurgence for my love of running; Summer saw the number of days with me heading out of the door with my runners on becoming fewer and fewer but the crisp sunny Autumn mornings of late have spurred me on to head out and power up the running legs. I am currently running just for me, with no races signed up for I feel I don't have any pressure. Now I could look at that scenario either way; I continue to run just for me relaxed in the knowledge there is no mileage to reach every week, no pace to up, no race to run OR I can see it as I have no goal - and sometimes I need that goal. In the run up to my 40th I set myself some goals with my 40 things before 40 - not all were reached but the setting of them made me get up and do more.
This morning's post, although eliminating quite a big future running goal, has in fact inspired me to continue to get back on with my running. This magazine came through the letter box and I opened it with mixed emotions...

Some runners had already turned to social media with the enjoyment of receiving a 'Yes' and sadness, and relief, at receiving, like me, a 'No'. Sadly, some were angry at not being chosen to run - although when over 250,000 runners apply for 50,000 places the odds are against you. The anger made me sad; the London Marathon is ultimately just another marathon - yes it's one of the World's biggest but there are plenty of other unjust things in this world that the effort of such anger could be channelled towards. I try not to get angry, as much, anymore. I try to see the bigger picture, take a step back, take a deep breath. That's not to say anger is not part of my emotions anymore - it is, but one that needs to be contained.
Whilst running today I had time to think of what this month, and Autumn, has to come; importantly I need to apply for my girl's Secondary School place - time to get my head out of the sand on that one. This has been an emotional time trying to decide which school to put first on the application form whilst making my girl realise, however much she asks, I am not in a position to home-school her. My own emotions have gone a bit haywire on this too - my baby girl is almost at Secondary School and those apron strings will be loosened just a little bit more. She loves her current role of big sister walking the boy out of school down the road to the nearby bus stop to meet me - I'm not quite ready to let them walk the whole way home yet mainly due to the sheer volume, and speed, that vehicles drive down the main road. I still find it strange that I was walking home by myself from Year 1 onwards but the roads were quieter - although I'm sure there were still other risks just as high as they are today. But that day will soon come when they leave the house without me and return without me.
Next month sees me taking on the student role; I'm going to be learning something new with a couple of weekend courses coming up that will hopefully take me on a new exciting road in my life spreading some calmness and relaxation and calmness on the way. Before then I will have a bit of reading to do.

x x x

Finding Happiness on the Road to 40 {Musing on a Monday}

I sat here this morning, in my quiet house alone, feeling a bit lost with the children back at school. So I did the only thing that I knew would clear my head, and feel like I have returned to the back to school normality, and went for a run. I blew the cobwebs off my runners - not worn for 4 weeks - laced them up and headed out for a gentle 5k to ease me back into it. Following the Norwich 10k I decided to rest from running, transferred my September half marathon place and spent the time, not worrying about training and fitness, but making summer memories with my family. And it was a good one. 

Now, as my thoughts turn to the reality that we are well and truly in September, comes the realisation that my 40th is just around the corner - it's so close I can see it smiling at me. But I am ready for it. This time last year I was more than just a little freaked out about turning 39 but I turned that worry into something positive. Come the new year I made a list; a fun stress free list of 40 things to do before 40. It was a list of ideas; things that were achievable and things that if I didn't do them it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Here's how I did.

1.   Run in a 10 k race - Yes, three of them; Longleat, Broughton Gifford and Norwich
2.   Run 10 miles - Yes, in order to...
3.   Complete a half marathon - Yes, two of them; Bath and Hackney
4.   Run a total of 400+ miles - Yes
5.   Save £100 in my running jar (£1 a run) - Yes, but spent some of it on...
6.   Get a meaningful tattoo - Yes
7.   Have a girl's night out - Yes
8.   Have a husband and wife night out - Kind of - a day and early evening in Bath!
9.   Go and see some live music - Yes, my favourite band, James.
10. Go to the cinema with the children - Yes, to see Snoopy & Charlie Brown
11. Go to the cinema without the children - Nearly went to see David Brent but decided to go to the pub instead!
12. Watch the sunrise - Sadly, no.
13. Watch the sunset - Yes
14. Visit the family in Norfolk - Yes
15. Eat fish and chips on the beach at Wells-next-the-sea - We ate fish and chips in Norfolk and went to Wells but didn't combine the two!
16. Run in Norfolk - Yes, Norwich 10k
17. Go on a long walk by myself - No, but lots of long runs by myself
18. Go on a big walk from Lulworth Cove - Have yet to get back down to the cove
19. Buy a lottery ticket - No, I may have been a millionaire by now!
20. Write a letter to America - No
21. Write a letter to New Zealand - Yes
22. Take the children to London - Yes, so I could run Hackney 10k!
23. Introduce the children to the Indiana Jones films - Have yet to do this
24. Lose 7 lbs - Yes, and it seems to be staying off
25. Meet up with an old friend - Yes, two of them!
26. Learn to cartwheel again - Yes, I persevered with this and faced my fears with help from my girl
27. Eat out as a family - Yes, fish and chips al fresco!
28. Go camping - Yes, at our favourite site
29. Read my subscription magazines cover to cover - Sort of, I dip into them now that I have sorted them out
30. Read more books - Lately, yes.
31. Practise more yoga - A big fat YES! Including taking myself solo to a yoga festival!
32. Use my DSLR properly - Sort of! I started to follow an online course then got distracted but I am remembering more when I do grab it
33. Get the children together with their English cousins - Sadly not yet but they are due to visit this October
34. Take a train ride somewhere - Yes, into Bath
35. Teach myself to knit again - The wool is still in its bag
36. Visit a new town/city - Not yet
37. Visit a new National Trust property - No, we haven't been to many of our favourites this year - I fear the children have moved on!
38. Go fruit picking - No but we'll be hitting the hedgerows soon for blackberries and sloes
39. Walk along a pier - No
40. Ride the dodgems - No

So about 65% successful with some added bonuses.

This time last year if someone had said I would be taking myself off alone to a yoga festival I would have laughed at them but this year I have changed my focus and outlook quite a bit. Life is out there for living and finding new adventures and facing up to being 40 has finally made me realise that. Don't get me wrong I have no plans to be off skydiving and base jumping every weekend but my eyes are wider open to life's possibilities. If I see something I like the look of I will now think, 'Yes I can do that.' Rather than, 'I like the look of that but it will be a little scary to do it.' I'm now turning this way of thinking towards some new life goals; to learn something new, to try something new, to do something that makes me happier in my work. This sits with my new outlook on priorities and what is important. I am more accepting and thankful for this precious life and have come to discover that happiness lies in many things and it isn't necessarily going to be found in a bulging bank balance and big house. 

It's been the little things this year that have made me happy; time with my precious little family, a rare day out alone with the husband, camping out in the lounge watching movies with the children, doing yoga in my quiet space at the back of the house, pitching a tent solo with success in the wind and rain, talking to strangers and finding new things about myself, spending days on end in a field with my family under the sun covered in glitter, getting fire in my belly, running through my home city and getting a little bit emotional, an evening out with a great friend, making plans for a chilled end to my 30s, making plans for my future, finally being happy and content in who I am.

x x x

Musing on a Monday {Cornish Dreams}

As I sit in my conservatory, with the rain hammering loudly against the roof, I look back on our, far too brief, travels to Cornwall last week which reignited my Cornish dreams. We used to be regular visitors, staying with the Nomadic in laws in whichever cosy Cornish cottage they were living in at the time, and whenever we left my heart would sink as we were leaving the pull of the ocean behind us.

I have always felt at one by the sea and am sure it is where my soul needs to be. It makes me calm, it makes me still, it makes me listen, it makes me relax. My brain winds down; the chaos of everyday life and people, people, people, is washed away with the sound of crashing waves. The colours of the water and the smell of salt on the air washes a sense of calm over the stresses in my head. I switch off and feel connected to something.
I watch the children watching the sea and for a split moment we take our eyes off the rolling waves and they catch us unawares as we scrabble up the rocks. A quick lesson learnt to respect every single move the ocean makes. Surprisingly, the children laugh it off despite being drenched from the waist down. They seem to be in a happy place too.

Hours are spent walking the cliff tops, admiring the views, playing in the rock pools, running across the sand and sampling the local ice cream. These few days away were definitely needed; it brought our little family close again, it gave us time to push work worries out of our mind, it gave us time to think positive thoughts.

And as the sun set on our short break new ideas were ignited in our head; I want to go against the regular grain of life and follow my heart.
What if...?
Could we....?
Do we dare...?

x x x

Musing on a Monday {Spring Dreams}

So yesterday saw the first official day of Spring arrive, I just wish someone had informed the weather Gods as it was cold, cloudy and not Spring-like at all stood out for two hours on a rugby pitch.
Fast forward 24 hours and the sky painted a very different picture.
Sat in my back room earlier, with the door open, the sunlight poured in highlighting the petals of the daffodils that fill the jars and bottles on the table - I can't get enough of daffodils at this time of year.

In the other rooms of the house the sun was probably catching cobwebs and dust layers in its beams of light but I am turning a blind eye as for now the Spring cleaning can wait. 

For now I sit and relax.

For now I hope that today's Spring sunshine will continue ready to fill the upcoming days of the Easter holiday with its gentle warming glow.

For now I await the longer days filled with the extra warmth that allows a cup of tea to be drank comfortably outside.

For now I want to fill each upcoming extra minute of daylight with memories.

For now I want to dream.

x x x

Musing on a Monday {The rugby trophy!}

Last week at rugby the boy had a wibble.
He felt he had had a great training session, which included scoring a try in a tag rugby game, so he was ultra confident he was in for a shot for the player of the week trophy - something he has been working for since September.
Then his buddy got it.
His buddy from school who had only been going for a couple of weeks.
And that hit the boy hard.
The bottom lip wobbled and the self doubt started,
"I'm rubbish Mum. I'm never going to get the trophy."
These were hard words to hear. He has come on such a long way since starting rugby and still has dreams of playing for England, although we have said he should have a back up plan just in case that doesn't happen, but self doubt comes so quickly to him. We talk all the time about not giving up, showing resilience, demonstrating commitment and embracing the enjoyment that the game is bringing him.

My boy has grown in confidence immensely this academic year, alongside his move into KS2, and a super positive Parent's Evening on the Monday really boosted his confidence with his teachers telling him he has progressed fantastically well at school academically and that his confidence was starting to grow too. Confidence has been an issue for a long time in a lot of things but the balance was starting to shift.

So onto this week. Yesterday was another training session with a lot of paired work on tackling and supporting each other with passing drills. Throughout their training the children are always reminded of the five core values; teamwork, respect, enjoyment, discipline and sportsmanship, and this week the boy was held up as an example of someone who is always following them.

And he got that trophy!

I may have cried a little.
Especially when he gave me the KitKat from the coaches for Mother's Day and said,
"Have a break Mum!"

I think I need one.

x x x

Musing on a Monday {Improving what we have}

Yesterday I took the girl out on a run and we headed slowly out to the village just up the road. Running that bit slower means I take in more of my surroundings and having her company is lovely. Thinking about it, it is our only time just mother and daughter that we ever get. Our route took us past one of two houses in the village that I had fallen instantly in love with many years ago, when I first pushed my girl in her pram on our first solo walk out together in the world, and I spotted the For Sale sign. My heart did a little leap of excitement! Could this be a sign? Deep down I knew this wasn't possible as any house in the village came at a premium and, even though we didn't necessarily want to live in this village, I was straight onto Rightmove as soon as we were back. Then my heart really sank. The figure staring back at me, even knowing how crazy house prices have become, still came as a shock. I did the only sensible thing any girl dreaming of a house move would do; I sulked. Not because that I couldn't afford that particular house but that it pushed our dream forever house - a cosy cottage out in the country with a bit of land for some pigs - way out of reach.

I then decided there and then that I could either carry on sulking and getting mad with the the world or shut up, be grateful for what I do have and make the most of it. Surprisingly I plumped for the latter. Approaching 40 is clearly making me grow up a bit.

So this is what I said to the husband;
"Let's accept we are here for the foreseeable, we love our little house, we may not love the on street parking but it is quiet, the neighbours are ok and we feel safe and secure. Let's look at it through fresh eyes; let's imagine we've just moved in and make some plans."
Genius!

My thoughts instantly turned to the chimney breasts in the front and back rooms. The front room houses an ugly gas fire with marble surround whilst the back room has an original tile hearth but has long been bricked up, woodchipped over and modernised with a radiator. One of these rooms needs a woodburner particularly when a friend told me, "A wood burner really creates a heart in a home."

So with that I was straight back online and looking for ideas on Pinterest!

And that is my first home goal to improve what we have; sort out the fireplaces and ultimately create a family room with cosy kitchen area, cosy seating, cosy woodburner and peace and quiet. 

x x x

Thanks to Ali for the quote!

Musing on a Monday {Changing Rooms and Growing Up}

Quite some time ago I made some home decorating plans; February 2015 I was going to paint the children's rooms and buy a high bed so they could finally fulfil their plan of changing rooms. Now, I have been known to make lots of plans when it comes to our home and they rarely come into fruition. My compact, shabby chic kitchen that I tried to transform back in 2012 is much the same, albeit a bit shabbier and less chic. The walls around our home still display the same colours that I painted them with back in 2005 when we first moved in; but with the addition of smudges and fingerprints from little people that have increased in size over the passing years. The carpets have changed but much remains the same.

Musing on a Monday {It's oh so quiet}

It is 11 o'clock as I sit and type my latest Musing on a Monday entry - and my first post of 2016 - and the realisation of the empty, quiet house has just hit me. The alarm awoke me from my less than restful sleep at 7 a.m. and it was time to get back into the weekly routine of school and work following 16 mornings of blissful waking up as and when we liked. Ironically, following a very wet and grey Christmas break, the sun is shining - perfect weather for a family day out. Typical. Once I had awoken the reluctant girl, and the, "I actually want to be back to school as I get to see my friends again," boy, packed lunches, made breakfast and went through the morning motions of the school run I was back in an empty house. I did a 30 day shred workout, washed up, unloaded the washing machine, loaded the tumble dryer, made a cup of tea, sat and wrote a list of what I need to do today but constantly the quietness enveloped me just a little too much. There was a time I craved this, needed it, could only survive with it but today I want my house full of the chatter of the children, the mess they make, the hugs available on tap.
Maybe I'm in denial; trying to hold back the time as my back to school day looms, peeking it's unwelcoming head around the corner.
Maybe I'm freaking out about the passing of time in general; I hit 40 this year, something that I am actually struggling with although I keep telling myself it's just a number and the world will keep on turning when that momentous day comes and goes.
Maybe I'm being selfish.
Maybe I need to re-evaluate my outlook again.

Musing on a Monday {Christmas, coughs & chemo}

I sit writing this in my warm conservatory as the wind rattles at the door and the rain pummels the roof - it always sounds a hundred times worse in here - having waited in all morning for the final delivery of presents to come. The plan was to then head out for a walk around the fields but the children just want to cosy up. I'm feeling a little bit stir crazy having been inside since returning from a quick jaunt to Lacock on Saturday but the sounds of the girl sneezing and coughing has made me realise that I have to ride this one out. Hopefully I can sneak out later once the husband is home even if just for a quick run around the block.

Every Christmas, since being back at work, we have had illness in the house - coincidence? Last year I was out of it with no voice and a constant companion of paracetamol and hot honey and ginger instead of my usual festive tipples. The year before the husband was in bed for 48 hours meaning I had to step up and cook the Christmas dinner for the first time - I did a pretty mean job I must say. This year he is ill again and the girl is suffering, so much so we have had to cancel her filling appointment at the dentist tomorrow which I know she is gutted about!
Before this turns too much into a 'woe is me' type post I need to pause and take stock. I absolutely love Christmas and everything it means to us as a little family. We have always celebrated with either just ourselves and the in laws or the brother in law so never more than seven of us squeezed around the table. It is an event we always look forward to, and I'm learning to not look forward to things too much as they don't always turn out as planned. However, this Christmas will be a little different.
Other events put our coughs and sneezes into pale significance when we stop to think about Granddad; today Granddad is having his final round of chemo. The children know this but they really want Grandma and Granddad to be with us on Christmas Day tucking into the turkey and all the trimmings; at the wishing well in Lacock on Saturday the boy dropped in his coin and wished for Granddad to get better. We have warned them that Granddad may only be well enough to pop in and say hello, he might stay for dinner, we might even have to go to theirs to say hello on Christmas Day.
Christmas will feel a little bit different this year but there will be love, warmth, good food and obviously the presents to make it another special day for all of us.
Oh, and there will be a dog.

x x x

Musing on a Monday {Falling out with my 9 year old}

This weekend I had planned a cosy Saturday afternoon of a walk round Lacock Abbey, to find the tree decorated by my girl and her class, followed by mince pie making and putting up the Christmas tree back home.
I'm always one to make plans with a picture perfect image of how the day will pan out just how I want it to. Which will then, of course, be documented by the obligatory snaps on Facebook and Instagram show casing what a perfect family we are.
Well, most of that went to pot.
Instead, I executed some of my parenting skills to the highest level of crapness and fell out with my 9 year old.
Yes, me, 39 years of age, old enough to be a little bit more grown up about things managed to argue, shout and sulk - just as well as any 9 year old girl.
You see, she was 'too tired' to help me as I struggled, lodged in the loft door with a Christmas tree wedging me at the top of the loft ladder. So, I shouted at how ungrateful she is and 'thank you very much for helping' - in an obviously sarcastic matter highlighting that, yes, I am clearly the grown up in this stand off. Slamming of doors followed whilst I managed to slide the tree, and myself, back down the ladder to safety.
Loft dust washed off I announced we were all going out.
But no, going to the Abbey is now far too 'boring' for a 9 year old girl.
Which obviously I accepted calmly and didn't* in any manner shout back that '9 year olds are not in charge in this house and I bloody well am'.
Then she took shelter, from the 'worst Mum ever who always shouts', under her desk.
I sat downstairs and sulked.
The husband stepped in, with his 'good cop' badge shining brightly to calm the situation, and went to speak to her. My attempts to calm the situation resulted in being told 'I'm so mean' with the offer of a hug refused - that was like a dagger to the heart so I went downstairs biting my lip so I didn't cry.
Meanwhile the boy put up the tree, then some footsteps were heard coming down the stairs.
The girl tentatively came in, giving me the evils on her way, and joined in with hanging some baubles.
Her mood gradually shifted.
I grabbed her for a hug.
And all was well.

x x x

* I did

Musing on a Monday {Confidence, rugby and my boy}

My boy is seven years old; he was my baby, he is my baby, he will always be my baby.
He is my little gentleman; shy, quiet and reserved.
Maybe a little too shy, quiet and reserved.
He stands back from the crowds and watches from the side lines.
He doesn't like attention put upon him and embarrasses easily.
I worry he is missing out.
I want his confidence to grow.
And it is, albeit slowly, and an egg shaped ball is helping.

Back in the summer he started to take to the rugby ball rather than the football that he had been kicking around and shooting into the garden goal.
He started to throw and catch with his dad and stated he liked it a lot more than football.
I tentatively asked him should we look for a local rugby club to join - he said yes.

I quickly got in touch with the local town team and they invited him along to training - he could have three weeks before making up his mind if it was for him.
The husband took him along to the first session where he joined in but at the same time kept his distance from the main action.
He had a wibble about going again but a few gentle words of encouragement and the following week it was my turn to take him along.
I watched him as he trotted over to join the coaches and the other players and he was soon into the warm ups and ball drills.
Then they had a game of tag rugby.
He got the ball, he got tagged, his face wibbled, his lower lip came out, his eyes filled with tears. The coach was straight in there buoying him along.
We chatted later clarifying that getting tagged is inevitably going to happen and it is a key part of the game.
We chatted lots about the rules of the game and how the majority of the children had been playing for a few years and he had been there for two weeks.
We chatted lots about persevering.
Then, perfect timing. He came home from school and told us about that day's assembly where the head teacher had talked about Growth Mindset with the key message focussing on the words, 'I can't do it' and turning it into, 'I can't do it...yet!'
Yes! We had a saying to back up everything we had been talking about.

At the end of the third session he decided that yes he was going to commit so club fees were paid and kit purchased. The following week the coaches commented to me that his confidence was starting to show through and that the first few weeks he was like 'A deer in headlights' - which summed him up perfectly. Now that deer is starting to be a little less stunned.

Watching him yesterday, play in four matches at a rugby festival, we saw that confidence increase bit by bit through each game. In the first three matches he was still reserved; he held back from the main action, when the ball was passed to him he couldn't get it out of his hands quick enough, he didn't chase for the tags. But match four and we saw a difference; he was running for other players, he kept up more, he was involved, and then...
HE GOT A TAG!
It had all been worth it for that moment.
That boosted his confidence no end.

He proudly collected his medal and posed with the trophy that his club had won having been nominated by the other coaches as the club demonstrating the best team spirit.

That for me was the best message and rugby, although a new sport for me to be involved in, has been a great choice for the boy.

I loved this spread in the festival magazine particularly the words...
RESPECT, BE SUPPORTIVE, BE POSITIVE, ENJOY YOURSELF, IT'S ONLY A GAME

And the line...
I WILL TRY MY BEST, BUT I'M NOT SURE I'M THE NEXT SUPERSTAR QUITE YET!
But he will always be my superstar.

x x x

Musing on a Monday {Internet Friends}

It's time I did some musing.

I haven't written a Musing on a Monday post for nearly two years but today it's back and I'm talking friends.

Internet friends.

First I must apologise if the above GIF makes your eyes go doolally but whilst searching through Pinterest for an inspirational quote about what I wanted to write about today it caught my eye - and sums it all up.

 

As with any good tale let's go to the beginning.

Four years ago I upgraded my brick mobile for a smartphone and my life changed. I entered the addictive world of swashy swashy swiping screens - and Twitter.

Then I started a blog.

I would lose contact with my husband for days on end as I got caught up in the world of posts, linkys, tweets and the people living in my phone.

My husband didn't understand it all at first - I'm not sure he still fully gets it now but I know he appreciated the Beef Jerky from the Blog On Winchester goody bag so he puts up with it. 

When I first opened up Twitter and chose my, now completely different, username the app threw lots of suggestions at me whom I eagerly started to follow then waited for them to reciprocate. Beyond doing the obvious thing of hooking me up with all the SAHMs, as I was back then, and those users with similar names the algorithms and mechanics of such social media platforms baffle me.

But it made some great links.

I started following someone in Cornwall whose pink cup of tea avatar caught my eye. She was, I don't think she'll mind me saying, a few years older than me with a daughter and son who I would avidly read about whilst seeing my two a few years down the line retelling similar stories. We would chat online and follow each other's blog and I would joke about popping in to see her in Cornwall - for many reasons it sadly never happened.

We eventually met up at a small blogging conference in Bristol where we said hello and had the briefest of chats over a cuppa - obviously.

Life then threw up a whole load of challenges which resulted in her moving to a town just a few miles up the road from me. Despite the closeness in distance we didn't see each other again until another blogging conference in Cardiff. Since then I have had the pleasure of cuppas and lunch at her house and I have finally met her dogs - one of which is sneeze friendly so therefore my favourite, but don't tell the others.

Some people in my life don't get how I have friends that I have met online yet probably wouldn't see meeting a new partner online as odd. Why is a friendship viewed differently? The internet, and Twitter is a great example, gives you an opportunity to suss people out. Yes, lots have a façade but many tweet their true personality. I seem to be a reasonable judge of character so go with my instincts too. Meeting at blogging conferences is a great way to confirm your instincts that yes in fact these people are perfectly harmless and actually quite nice. We all have family forced on us but it doesn't mean we are friends with them. We all have neighbours within touching distance but you're not always going to bond with them. Work colleagues have a huge range of personalities and they don't always gel with mine. So online friends are kind of amazing. You can basically pick out the good ones!

 

Following Blog on Winchester I had the pleasure of meeting my internet friend's lovely family. I popped in for an evening cuppa and was met with a smiley husband watching the rugby, a trio of crazy dogs, a shy quiet teenage boy with his headphones on immersed in his love of 70s music on his laptop - he quietly said hello and smiled and I completely got his shy ways - and a newly blonde teenage daughter who tried to educate me in ten minutes on how teenagers use Facebook. I felt relaxed with them all - which is a huge thing for me as teenagers usually intimidate me and I'm normally completely crap with new people - but I felt I knew them all already.

But then they already 'knew' me via the online life of my lovely internet friend.

 

x x x

Musing on a Monday... {Domestic Chores}

Domestic chores.

It's an on going cause of debate in our household. I try not to pick arguments over it and I try to see that sometimes it is just best to get on and do something rather than nag. However, when it's noted by certain others that the Hubs does 'too much' then I do get cross. So I've made a list - I do love a good list.

 

Things I do regularly:

• washing-up
• laundry
• ironing
• bed making
• tidying
• vacuuming
• cleaning
• cooking
• baking
• swimming lesson run

Things the Hubs does regularly:

• weekly shopping
• weekly bins
• weekend cooking

He works full time, I work three days a week.

We share the school runs.

 

I sense this is the norm.

I feel I do my fair share seeing I'm not at work full-time.

I don't think the hubs does too much.

 

Sadly I do want to regain the responsibility of the weekly shop - control freak in me - and during half term I did a mini one, which I enjoyed partly due to the fact that I got to try out a new bag. Or more to the point a bag of bags.



 

The bag was fantastic - the Eco 8-bag Set Mini Dot Turq/Choc from ZPM. The colour combo is perfect and the cross body design with adjustable strap is great for hands free action in the supermarket. It has lots of nifty features including a see through pocket for your list, Velcro to attach to the trolley itself, trolley token, phone pocket, zipper compartment for your wallet and extras and a spacious middle compartment holding vest style shopping bags, box shopping bags and net bags for fruit and veg. It definitely beats dragging out bags full of tatty bags every time.

The shape and look means it can also be used for general day to day use with the main compartment comfortably big enough for an iPad and extras.

For more information on how you can get a discount please see here.

So, how do the domestic chores get split in your house?

x x x

 

Disclaimer: ZPM sent me the bag for review purposes. As always, all opinions and views are honest and are my own.

Musing on a Monday {the optimist vs the pessimist}

I've decided I seem to be a bit of a pessimist at the moment whilst the husband is the optimist.

It could be worse - we could both be self pitying, negative individuals.

The problem lies with me. Clearly.

I see a situation - I look for the bad in it.

He sees an outcome - I see a difficult journey.

He looks ahead - I'm stuck in the here and now.

He has big goals - I get frustrated that we're not there now.

He takes it bit by bit - I get impatient.

He sees the tough times as being short term - I panic that I can't get what I want now.

He's under stress he keeps it contained - I'm under stress I blow like a freaking erupting volcano.

Winston Churchill had us sussed out...

Musing on a Monday {time goes by}

Last night I had a bit of an emotional turn.
I sat watching Homeland and suddenly panicked.
You see, Homeland is kind of plodding along at the moment. No Brody - yet - and too much Dana.
Dana, oh Dana, you hormonal, mixed up little thing you. 16 years old and rolling around in the laundry room having rumpy pumpy with your equally mixed up beau. 16. SIXTEEN!?!
My little girl is nearly half way to that age. In just over eight years time, or maybe earlier, I'm going to lose her to hormones, emotions, boys - or possibly girls, I'm cool with that. But she'll be 'gone'. She won't need me anymore - well she'll probably need my money and stuff.
More to the point she won't WANT me anymore will she? She'll be all moody and I'll be too embarrassing or something.
Basically I'm panicking.
I'm looking back too much and thinking we should have done more each day, each weekend, each holiday.
Yesterday we had a house day due to the rain and a stinking cold on my part. We didn't do much. We should have done more. I should be making more of my time with them.
Time goes too quick.
I'm rambling. I apologise.
I'm tired, and to be honest maybe a bit hormonal myself today, so am probably blowing this up way out of proportion but I have moments where I just freak out.

How do we stop the panic?
How do we savour the moments?
How do we keep them young?
How can I bottle them and not let them go?

x x x

Link to original image source here

Musing on a Monday {Generational Dinosaurs}

A dropped in comment in a conversation rattled me yesterday.
It went a little bit like this:
"I stuck up for you when he said that I do too much."

An observation had been made on our family life. I took it as a criticism of me. A comment having a dig at our parenting as a partnership, at our balance of roles, at the gender shift in expectations in what we do as a couple, a dig that the husband gets involved in *gasp* the kitchen and *double gasp* the childcare.

Basically 'someone' has seen this as wrong. They've taken a snapshot of our life, seen my husband doing roles that traditionally 30 years ago he would not have done. Well boo hoo. This is 2013 not 1983. We both work to bring in the money, we both work on making the home life function, we both work to get the children to school. It's called teamwork. It's called equality. My husband is no less of a man because he cooks meals. My husband is no less of a man because he does the school run. On the other side I'm not lazy because he does this. We both do it. You see, we work together. I'm a mother, I work to bring in money, I am tired. He's a father, he works to bring in money, he is tired. We are equals.

I quote my friend who added this to a discussion on this point:

"They are unfortunately from a generation that didn't share chores. We've moved on and changed for the better in some ways. Kids are for life and are the responsibility of both parents. They should be praising you both for your hard work and admiring your skills as amazing parents."

That's the point. No-one praises us together. They like to have a dig. I'm expected by some to give support to my husband but somehow they completely miss the point that I need support too.
That saddens me.

How do we make different generations understand change? How do I get my point across in a calm rational manner?! Have you had such experiences?

x x x

Musing on a Monday {Grandparent tax}

For the last four days we had a little glimpse into life with Grandparents on the doorstep. A little tease at the benefits, the most obvious being childcare - we saved £44 in just two days with their presence on the school run thus avoiding breakfast and after school clubs. We, that's me and the husband, actually managed a night out at the pub together. Which was lovely. Despite the 24 hours I needed the next day to recuperate but hey, the Grandparents were here! Unfortunately, this is a luxury for us and we see little of the Grandparents due to a combination of distance - Norfolk is pushing it for childcare and France is just taking the p***. They are clearly not local so we don't get the help and support that often. Sometimes this gets me down. 

But, I've been thinking and I may have an answer. Well, a financial one. I have a suggestion for our trusted politicians. I haven't put much thought into the logistics and fairness of it but I think that's how politics works.

Here it is....

A GRANDPARENT TAX BREAK

And here's how it works...

If you have no Grandparents in a 30 mile radius of your home then you are entitled to a tax break to compensate your childcare outgoings as a result of the Grandparents not being able to help out. To fund this all you lucky souls with Grandparents on the doorstep get taxed more!

There you go.
That's fair isn't it?!
I'm sure there are some flaws and it clearly doesn't make up for the emotional crap of not having family nearby but it could soften the blow.



What do you think? Could this work?!

x x x

Image found here

Musing on a Monday {worry}

I'm a worrier.
I worry too much.
I worry so much that it often consumes every square millimetre of my head until I explode. Usually when the wrong person is nearby.

I'm still stood at that fork in the road daring to turn right.
I worry what will happen if I do go right.
I worry what will happen if I carry on to the left.

I'm often told to stop worrying.
But somebody has to, don't they?
If I don't worry then things won't get sorted - that's my twisted logic.
I can't let things drop.
I think I need to worry. It's become an obsession.

It's not healthy is it?

I need to take this on board...

And believe this...



 x x x

Images are from my Inspiring/Words Pinterest board from where original links can be found.

Musing on a Monday {same old sh*t or crazy new sh*t?}

I've been thinking. In fact I've been thinking a lot lately. When stuff happens I tend to think. Sometimes I overthink. Which just causes my head to explode. So I try to keep a hold of things. However, having time at home now does free me up. To think.

Life throws obstacles at us and we have to choose how to overcome them: take the easy route or take the challenge? Go with the norm or try something new? Be led or be the leader?
Basically this...

The husband made a huge decision with his career which has meant a lot of risks have been taken. I always thought we were safe people, ones not to take risks and to take the easy option. Ultimately people dealing with the same old sh*t. However we braved it and now we have new sh*t to deal with. It all boils down to one thing: One ridiculously long commute = a hell of a lot of impacts and stress. Too much to go into here but it is leading us to make another big decision. Another choice to be made in which path to go down.

Are we brave enough? Do we stick with what's safe? I don't know. For now I just read words of wisdom I have found to try and make me feel better...



Tomorrow we're going to go exploring. Investigating. Number crunching. We might just go round in circles. We might find a solution.

Watch this space.

x x x

Images are from my Inspiring/Words Pinterest board from where original links can be found.



Musing on a Monday {just me}

Today has been the first Monday in a long time that I have looked forward to. I cannot remember the last time I had a Monday quite like it. It's been a long while coming, what with having children and stuff, but now the wait is over. I now have Mondays - and Tuesdays - to myself. No work. No children. Just me and the house.

Today that meant doing the school run - which I haven't done for over a year, shredding - I'm back on that and loving it, and being able to do my new fitness interest, yoga, in peace. FYI: Yoga is not beneficial when you have a seven year old hollering from her bed at night or chewing a carrot in your year and trying to be helpful with 'encouraging' words as you bend your body in ways that it hasn't been in since doing gymnastics at Junior School.

This, by the way, is my current personal goal...

I would really love to do an Introduction to Yoga course but I'm watching the pennies at the moment so instead am having a go at Erin Motz' 30 Day Yoga Challenge on good old YouTube. She is so lovely and calming and I feel all gooey at the end of each session, which has to be a good thing right? Anyway, I digress...

Mondays...Mondays are so different now, in a good way. I'm really hoping that working part time across three days, rather than five, will sort out the whole work/life balance thing that we are all desperately trying to find. I want to use my two days to do the things I want to do - yes, there will be the household chores and projects that need doing but it will be in my time rather than taking it out of weekend time. I want to be more available on a weekend now so I plan to shut work completely away and focus on the kiddies and family life knowing that I have my time at the beginning of each week. Financially, I should really be working full time but in reality that would break me - that may sound weak but I don't think I could do my job full time and be happy. I take my hat off to those that do.

So now I'm pondering, musing if you like, on making some plans. The road trip across America may have to be put on hold. But, the house needs sprucing up so I can crack open some cans of paint over the coming weeks, this blog is going to go through some changes soon and I will continue to give myself some me time. It's been seven years so I think I deserve some!

Are you finding time for yourself? Have you found the elusive work/life balance? Does it exist?!
I'd love to hear your thoughts.

x x x