A dropped in comment in a conversation rattled me yesterday.
It went a little bit like this:
"I stuck up for you when he said that I do too much."
An observation had been made on our family life. I took it as a criticism of me. A comment having a dig at our parenting as a partnership, at our balance of roles, at the gender shift in expectations in what we do as a couple, a dig that the husband gets involved in *gasp* the kitchen and *double gasp* the childcare.
Basically 'someone' has seen this as wrong. They've taken a snapshot of our life, seen my husband doing roles that traditionally 30 years ago he would not have done. Well boo hoo. This is 2013 not 1983. We both work to bring in the money, we both work on making the home life function, we both work to get the children to school. It's called teamwork. It's called equality. My husband is no less of a man because he cooks meals. My husband is no less of a man because he does the school run. On the other side I'm not lazy because he does this. We both do it. You see, we work together. I'm a mother, I work to bring in money, I am tired. He's a father, he works to bring in money, he is tired. We are equals.
I quote my friend who added this to a discussion on this point:
"They are unfortunately from a generation that didn't share chores. We've moved on and changed for the better in some ways. Kids are for life and are the responsibility of both parents. They should be praising you both for your hard work and admiring your skills as amazing parents."
That's the point. No-one praises us together. They like to have a dig. I'm expected by some to give support to my husband but somehow they completely miss the point that I need support too.
That saddens me.
How do we make different generations understand change? How do I get my point across in a calm rational manner?! Have you had such experiences?
x x x
I fully understand where you are coming from on this. My wife and I share everything we can. There are certain things around the house that my wife does and certain things that I do but besides that we share it all. I take the kids to school, she picks them up. My mother and grandparents do not understand the shared responsibility and attachement parenting that we do. So know that there are parents out there that do support you both. Take heart that although older generations do not get it, your generation or parents do get it.
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