Back to work with some Twinkl

I have done it.

I have gone full circle.

Since having my children I have returned to teaching part-time, resigned from teaching, been a SAHM, returned to work as a Teaching Assistant, upped my time to five days a week, taken on a day of teaching cover and now I have just got myself a part-time teaching job again. Phew!

Following much thought, and discussion with the hubs, we decided this made sense on many levels. Better for the children, better financially, better for my state of mind, all in all a better work/life balance.

Work/life balance is something I know loads of us struggle with and within the teaching profession it is a constant battle. The working week of a teacher can be crazy but there is help out there.

In the past I've spent many hours resourcing for my classroom displays, my lessons, my support groups, for home learning. The list is endless.

This takes time but now I have help at hand in the form of the lovely team at Twinkl - some of whom are actually teachers so add that special touch!



#ISpy.......a big fat horrible R

I haven't joined in with Mum of One's #ISpy for a while but thought I could get a few things off my chest with this week's letter that is....R.

The big fat R that has been hanging over us for months has finally happened...

Ha ha - yes it is very stressful...for the wife.

REDUNDANCY- GAH!

It has been lingering in our lives for the last few months.

We have had many a conversation about the pros and cons of taking it versus the husband continuing to work away from home.

I have had sleepless nights worrying about what could happen if the husband never finds work. Again. Ever.

I sometimes think he is crazy to walk away from a very well paid job in these times of economic uncertainties.

I worry about the possibility of having to be a working mum and the sole earner in a years time if it all goes tits up.

I worry about the husband's ability to cut it as a SAHD.

I worry about the mortgage, the car loans, the life insurance costs.....

But it had to be done. For the sake of the husband's health, our marriage and the children - who were seriously missing him - it was the choice to make. Things were too complicated to just up sticks and relocate. So we had to face the big fat R and bravely take everything it may throw at us.

I am sure I will be spying more Rs in the coming months in our house: resentment and rage possibly? But for now I'm heading over to Mum of One's linky to see what else has been spied this week.

http://jbmumofone.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/img_0838-1.jpg

x x x

Back to work - the good, the bad and the ugly!

So, I have successfully completed my first week at work. I am no longer a SAHM and the house is still standing, the children aren't psychologically damaged and the world hasn't stopped turning. AND, I haven't felt guilty about my decision.

I have just been sitting here quietly, whilst Alban chills in the front room with a DVD - wasn't he doing that in a past post?! Bad parent! - thinking about this past week. I had panics about returning to work. I had panics about changing Alban's preschool setting this late in the academic year. I had panics about abandoning Edith to Breakfast Club. The usual things to get my knickers in a twist about. I know it's only been a week but already I have found some pros and cons to going back to work. Here they are:

The Good

I feel like a person again, not just a mother and a housekeeper. I have valued the time so much as a SAHM but I needed a change.

I can put my past training to good use. I am a trained primary school teacher and am now working as a TA so I feel I am actually contributing my skills and knowledge again.

I love being a TA. I knew I would love it and it feels great being back in a primary school but with the weight of teaching stress removed from my shoulders.

The Bad

Alban is shattered. He crashed out for two hours on Tuesday afternoon but I know he will soon get used to the earlier starts and new routine. We are only getting up 40 minutes earlier and I have shifted his bedtime - the lazy toad.

People tootling along at 40mph along the derestricted roads. GET OUT OF MY WAY, I AM TRYING TO GET TO WORK ON TIME. I hate being late.

Stressing out about the drop off at preschool / drop off at Breakfast Club / drive to school. The nursery car park is a complete pig and is far too small for the morning rush so we get there 10 minutes early and wait in the car. Sad I know. But, I hate being late.

Stressing out about parking at work. The car park is very tight and the spaces are all angled back on themselves so you have to do some snifty manoeuvres to reverse in in order to get out again. Things like this make me worry. I seriously need to calm down a bit.

The upcoming realisation that I will be working more hours throughout the week and taking home less money than I did teaching for 2 days a week.

The Ugly

Mmmmmmmm. Errrrrrrrr. Erm. Nope. I can't think of anything.

Oh, here's one - when Edith and Alban are feeling under the weather and I'll have to make the decision to send them to school or have to take a day off work. That's when I'll start to feel guilty either way.

How have you felt if you are back at work after being a SAHM?

SAHMs - do you want to go back to work?

Working mums - do you regret your decisions?

I would love to hear your comments.

x x x

Motherhood - a need to scream

It's 8.15 on a sunny Spring Sunday morning. The birds are singing and I just want to open the window and SCREEEEEEAAAAAAAAM. Loudly. But I won't. I'll just let it build up in my head.

I went downstairs to make a cup of tea and sit for a while. On my own. Two minutes later the husband has sent the children down. I'm annoyed at this. I feel like the Pied Piper with a trail of children behind me all the time. I am now back upstairs banging these words out while they are in my head before the children realise I am not within 2 metres of them. All I want now is space. And peace. And quiet. I'm not going to get it. The husband is in work today. Tomorrow I have planned to take the children to Sheffield to see their big cousins. Right now the thought of driving them all that way in the confined space of a car makes me want to poke cocktail sticks in my eyes.

I feel suffocated. That's the word I've been looking for all this time when discussing things arguing with the husband. Why has it only just come to me now? I feel suffocated by being a mum and all that it entails. I am fed up with everything being on me. Childcare, school run, washing, ironing, cleaning, supermarket shop, taxi for clubs. Child is ill - I have to sort out the logistics for getting the other one to school, preschool, clubs.... Husband stays out - I'm here for the children.

I resent his freedom. The freedom to decide he'll just pop into the pub on the way home from work. The freedom to say he's going out with his work. The freedom to not come back and stay out all night. The freedom to go out on a 'quick' bike ride. The freedom to go to work during the holidays. Sometimes I feel it's avoidance.

I think I've been suffering from SAHMitis, a common condition I fear, where Mums, or Dads, that stay home get fed up. Simple as that. But after the Easter holiday I will no longer be carrying that title, I'll be going back to work 5 mornings a week. So what's my title now? Working Mum I guess. Will that give me the perks of freedom that Working Dad has? I doubt it very much for I'll be working part time. Bringing in a few extra pennies for the household pot. The children will still be my responsibility pretty much 100%.

I know I made the choice, with my husband, to have children and I would never change that. My children are my world. I know there are women absolutely desperate to have children whom, for whatever reason, it is never going to happen. I thank God that I have never had to go through that emotional turmoil. Reading this article in yesterday's Guardian made me feel guilty at first for all of the above, then it annoyed me. Yes, I had the choice to have children and was blessed to get pregnant when I wanted to. But Motherhood is a damn sight harder than I ever dreamed it would be and I have the right to have a bloody good moan about it without being made to feel guilty about it. I apologise if that sounds harsh but if I didn't moan I would be an absolute wreck and a pretty shitty mother. Which I am not. I am a good mother but at times I find it suffocating.

Here endeth the moaning. For now.

Thanks for listening x

I would love to hear your opinions on the Guardian article and any of the above.

 

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's back to work I go...

...with a shovel and spade and a hangrenade. Or maybe not as I may get into trouble with the head teacher for that. So, yes, I'm going back to the world of work. I'm waving goodbye to my status as a SAHM and venturing into working mum territory. Long gone will be the days of swanning around in my Discovery*, having manicures** and meeting friends for coffee*** . I will be saying hello to the days of extra early starts, breakfast clubs and a bit of cash in my purse - minus the nursery, preschool and breakfast club fees. Damn.

For those that don't know, I will be employed as a Y3 TA, five mornings a week on a fixed term contract. It's a decision I thought carefully about with regards to my kiddies, own career and work/life balance. I could have gone for the money option and returned to the classroom as a teacher. But I've done that and it didn't work for me and my family. It took over too much of my life. For those that do it I take my hat off to you, you are amazing. For those that don't get it - teachers work ridiculous hours; evenings, weekends and yes, the holidays. They are constantly planning, preparing, marking, assessing, worrying, stressing.... The list goes on. For me it was too much. My sister (teacher) is very envious.

I guess I've been fortunate not having to work and I'm fortunate to be able to choose this route back into working with children. The salary was quite a shock when I first saw it. I have worked with amazing TAs who have been worth their weight in gold and never given the credit, or financial recognition, they deserve. It is a job far removed from the days of helping the teacher by sharpening pencils, wiping noses and whacking up the odd display. TAs are a valued and skilled member of the school workforce.

Now, however,  I have to go and spend some money before I've even earned it as I need a work wardrobe. My past teaching clothes either no longer fit or look acceptable in 2012! I need something beyond jeans, jeans, jeans, leggings and jeans. This will be a chore as I realise I should have got my arse into fitness mode months ago as I will no doubt find myself in a changing room squeezing into outfits that cling in all the wrong places. Oh well. I will never learn.

So, I'm going to enjoy these next few weeks with my kiddies and have a fun Easter holiday. Then it will be off to work for me.
I think I'm going to enjoy this new phase in my life.

*I wish
**Have you seen my nails?
***It happened about twice

x x x 

Juggling Balls - All in a day's work

Smug git!

Image credit



Juggling Balls is all in a day's work for working mothers and that is one of the reasons I have enjoyed being a SAHM so much - it reduces the amount of balls! But recently I have RANTED, and in the past debated, about my choice. Well now I am ready to go back to work. But I am concerned. I am a crap juggler. Seriously. I cannot do it despite being told at a teacher training day many years ago that anyone can learn. Not me. So if I can't keep 3 little multi-coloured balls in the air how on earth am I meant to juggle my children, my husband, me, the home, my career and all the other extras that life throws at us?

I am a well planned, organised person - my teaching file always had colour coded sticky notes a la Monica Geller - but I am not always calm. If something upsets my plans I panic. When I get back to work the day will be meticulously planned out ahead down to the minute that breakfast needs to be finished by, teeth brushed and out of the door. My big freak out is over the fact that the OH will probably be away working for 2 days a week and all over the place for the other 3 days. He has said that things will change and he will do his best to help but ultimately I feel I will take on the bulk (99.9%?) of the responsibility for the children and definitely 100% of the worrying.

I know women do it, I have worked with women that do it but I am still worried about how I will do it. First though I need to get myself a job. Damn! I need to actually get a job! That means job application forms, visiting schools, schmoozing with the heads, sorting out references and if that is successful teaching a class of unknowns whilst being watched, doing a presentation - probably on some new initiative that has been introduced in the last 3 years that I know nothing about, and then the dreaded interview.

So, I don't need to worry about those balls quite yet. Now I'm worried about getting a job. I've only got SAHM to put on the application form to justify the last three years. Oh bugger!!

Check here for more posts on work & motherhood.

Apologies - a SAHM rant is needed

Image Credit *

I have been a full time SAHM from May 2008 to January 2010 then August 2010 to the present day.....and counting. I chose to be a SAHM so maybe I do not have the choice to moan about it. I love being a SAHM, for my children. My youngest is currently in preschool two and a half days a week. This gives me time to volunteer at my daughter's school (I am a trained primary school teacher and am wanting to keep in touch with it), time to keep on top of the washing, drying and ironing that seems to accumulate into a mountain on a daily basis and crucially time for me to switch off and relax. When I write it all down it looks pretty cushy for me really. However, I am frustrated.

I am frustrated that the children are always my number one priority, not the husband's.
I am frustrated that if the husband's workmates suggest a drink after work he can go without a moments thought for what may be going on here at home.
I am frustrated when the husband may have a late start - a rare occurrence - and he gets to lie in but I have to get the children sorted.
I am frustrated that I am losing touch with issues in schools from a teacher point of view and fear that will make it a challenge to find work next year.

Yes, next year, well next September when Alban starts Reception, I want to return to work and teaching, possibly full time. But then the problems and my frustrations will change...

I will be working but still, in all likelihood, will be the one that has to sort out the children.
I have no family nearby so I will have to get them to Breakfast Club, pick them up from After School Club and drive them to ballet, Rainbows and the like.
I will worry about how on earth I manage the higgledy piggledy hours that Reception children do for the first weeks / couple of months. Seriously, how do people work round that when their child is in for a half day here and half day there??

So why don't I continue being a SAHM? We have scraped by financially to enable me to do it and it is nice for the children to have me take them to school and preschool, be able to help in school, be there at the end of the day, cook their meals every night and take them to clubs but.... I will be more frustrated five days a week 9 to 3 at home on my own. I want to go back to teaching. Helping in school has made me realise this. I also want my own car and element of freedom again. I want to buy nice clothes. I want the opportunity to move house as we are bursting out of this one. All material things I know but sometimes a balance has to be struck. I think that is the issue - balance. Balance will have to be struck between me and the husband when I return to work. I know mums that have to do it on their own but I need support. So, for now, I will continue to have days where I scream and rant and feel trapped but this not forever. I don't want to wish my children's lives away and I am SO glad to have stayed home through these early years. But, as a family we are going to have to adapt to changes, and work as a team to do it.

My ranting and moaning for now is over - thanks for listening x x 

* that is not me - I am not blonde but I am very screamy!