So last month the big four zero came and went and life carried on as normal. I didn't wake up with any obvious additions to the grey roots or extra lines on my face - that I noticed. In fact I woke up happy with no hangover from the night before and with a renewed energy ready to take on Autumn and the rest of the year. Indeed I was happy at 40.
The last few weeks has seen a resurgence for my love of running; Summer saw the number of days with me heading out of the door with my runners on becoming fewer and fewer but the crisp sunny Autumn mornings of late have spurred me on to head out and power up the running legs. I am currently running just for me, with no races signed up for I feel I don't have any pressure. Now I could look at that scenario either way; I continue to run just for me relaxed in the knowledge there is no mileage to reach every week, no pace to up, no race to run OR I can see it as I have no goal - and sometimes I need that goal. In the run up to my 40th I set myself some goals with my
40 things before 40 -
not all were reached but the setting of them made me get up and do more.
This morning's post, although eliminating quite a big future running goal, has in fact inspired me to continue to get back on with my running. This magazine came through the letter box and I opened it with mixed emotions...
Some runners had already turned to social media with the enjoyment of receiving a 'Yes' and sadness, and relief, at receiving, like me, a 'No'. Sadly, some were angry at not being chosen to run - although when over 250,000 runners apply for 50,000 places the odds are against you. The anger made me sad; the London Marathon is ultimately just another marathon - yes it's one of the World's biggest but there are plenty of other unjust things in this world that the effort of such anger could be channelled towards. I try not to get angry, as much, anymore. I try to see the bigger picture, take a step back, take a deep breath. That's not to say anger is not part of my emotions anymore - it is, but one that needs to be contained.
Whilst running today I had time to think of what this month, and Autumn, has to come; importantly I need to apply for my girl's Secondary School place - time to get my head out of the sand on that one. This has been an emotional time trying to decide which school to put first on the application form whilst making my girl realise, however much she asks, I am not in a position to home-school her. My own emotions have gone a bit haywire on this too - my baby girl is almost at Secondary School and those apron strings will be loosened just a little bit more. She loves her current role of big sister walking the boy out of school down the road to the nearby bus stop to meet me - I'm not quite ready to let them walk the whole way home yet mainly due to the sheer volume, and speed, that vehicles drive down the main road. I still find it strange that I was walking home by myself from Year 1 onwards but the roads were quieter - although I'm sure there were still other risks just as high as they are today. But that day will soon come when they leave the house without me and return without me.
Next month sees me taking on the student role; I'm going to be learning something new with a couple of weekend courses coming up that will hopefully take me on a new exciting road in my life spreading some calmness and relaxation and calmness on the way. Before then I will have a bit of reading to do.
x x x
